THUGS

A Preamble…

I had never heard of Richard Sherman before two weeks ago, because Ya Brista does not follow The Hockey, but it would seem that he is kind of a dick, as evidenced by the number of people who seem to like punching him in the face.

Two weeks ago, Sherman got his face cracked when, during a boastful post-game rant, he looked into the camera and said……to which the report asked…The best read is a subtle read! Yaaaaaaaas!

Anyhoo… Predictably, the racist internet lit up. According to iQ Media1, the word “thug” was uttered more than 625 times in the following 24 hours, most of it in reference to Sherman. Let’s be clear, Sherman is many things. He is an alumnus of Stanford University, where he graduated at the top of his class. He also seems more than a bit arrogant, more than occasionally unsportsmanlike, and as I said before, kind of a dick, but he is not a thug. Who could blame the larger society for casting him in that role, though, when we use that word so frequently to describe ourselves? In the black (and latino) gay community, Thug has become an aspiration!

Let’s get into it, shall we?The Thug is everything that we are supposed to want: masculine, aggressive, masculine, handsome but not too pretty, masculine, street smart (not book smart, who gives a shit about reading?), masculine, maybe a little dangerous, and most of all, masculine. This desire for the Thug ideal finds its way into everything from clothing, to music, to the qualities we look for in sexual partners, to our porn. And yet, like the image of Richard Sherman as a thug, it’s far from true and part of a more complex reality.

Actually, it’s not all that complex. Homos don’t wanna be identified with anything feminine so they run toward a fascination with a hypersexual masculinity that becomes more caricatured by the hour. Those of you who read this column are very aware that nothing gives Ya Brista greater pleasure than calling out The Kidz and their foolishness, so let’s talk about all the ways that these Kidz are not Thugs.

Before we go on, you should all know that everything about the rest of this post is complete and utter…

What does the word Thug even mean?

I pondered this during an evening’s entertainment.

Taking my quest to the Model Search page of a well-known website, I found that under type, the first available choice was Thug.I feel forced to call shenanigans on the notion of The Thug in Black and Latino gay porn.

The Kidz seem to think that just because they have muscles and tattoos, with a mean mug, that they are Thugs. Ummmm… no! You are not a Thug, you are merely a homo with muscles and tattoos.

Similarly, I am not sure how you can all yourself a Thug, when your eyebrows are snatched for the gawds.

Don’t get me wrong, I love a big, muscly, tatted up brotha with a big dick deeply gutting a smoothed-skinned pretty boy with an exquisite eyebrow situation. Who doesn’t? It’s just that I wouldn’t consider either of them Thugs. You’re just two, three, or more dudes doing gay shit to one another. And while we are on the subject, why would you even want to be considered a Thug? Oh year, that’s right…If you say too much, or move around too much, The Kidz might spook your T…These Thugs walk around with their assholes clenched tight lest they fart a bubble of Chanel No. 5. They don’t speak much because they are afraid they might break out into a chorus from “Oklahoma”. Darling, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but that ship has sailed. Your ritualistic worship of masculinity is betrayed by, well, everything that you do and say. Your T was spooked the moment you rolled out of the house with all your cakes exposed, and the sleeves of your pink t-shirt rolled up, just so.PS, if you think you are unspookable, just get into the Kid in the red hat checking out your ass!

While we are on the subject, porn and the internet would have us believe that all these so-called Thugs are Tops.Because Thugs are also uneducated, they falsely equate Masculinity with being a Top and Femininity with being a Bottom, when the truth is many of these Thugs are out there in gyms, parks, saunas, and parked cars low-key getting their backs blown out. Remember Paulina Pure Pussy, whom you met on your Walk of Shame during Black Gay Pride? On her Grindr profile, she’s a total top.These Thugs think there is something wrong with being fem, even in the slightest, so they run away with all deliberate speed, despite living a life that transparently speaks to their homosexuality. I just wish you would get into who you really are, because you would so much easier to……deal with. I’m tired of fuckin’ with you conflicted Kidz. You hit Ya Brista up because you wanna be spanked and stretched and tasered and fucked, but you have all these requirements and restrictions. Bitch, just get into your life and spread your legs and we will all be much happier.