Dear Michael Sam

Well Kidz, we were supposed continue talking about Ya Brista’s love life, but this weekend something momentous occurred:Kandi got turnt ALL THE WAY UP! And while it was a sight to see (as was her truly mortified reaction to her own behavior. No seriously, she was THE ONLY one who felt like she had done something wrong, or needed to apologize!), the story of the weekend was one young Mr. Michael Sam.This kid hasn’t even been all the way out of the closet a week yet, and already there is video of him at a gay club in Missouri:…And so it begins.

Dear Michael Sam:

You go boy! Coming from a small town in Texas, with a highly religious upbringing, and going to school in Missouri, you can’t have had that much experience with The Kidz, so Ya Brista is here to tell you:Unfortunately, people equate being on television with being famous and your beautiful brown body will be just the welcome mat they need to get those 15 seconds. Luckily, you have already beat those hoes to the punch by coming out! Now the trade from your hometown can’t score a quick grand from MediaTakeOut by selling pics of you…

…because such pics are freely available via Instagram! Now I don’t know the nature of the relationship between you and the guy in the picture,but I’m sure his career as a musician and hair stylist was not too badly damaged by this publicity.I’m sure it’s merely a coincidence. Media TakeOut almost certainly keeps a bevy of young twinks who “participated in the earlier production stages of Oxygen’s TV show, “The Glee Project” on retainer on the off chance that someone with whom they are involved becomes famous, no?

You should prepare yourself for an onslaught of close-ups of your genitals and your ass to make their way around social media. Unfortunately, you are an attractive brotha, and even worse, one who will soon be rich playing a sport that requires you to remain in peak physical condition. In a culture that thrives on youth and fame and wealth and big black dicks, your young sexy tight ass will be photographed…A LOT. On one hand, you might be flattered! After all, who doesn’t want to go on Tumblr and find hundreds of pics of themselves naked?

I suppose it’s a bit different when you pose for the pics, but my point is, whether you like it or not, you are about to become fap material for a bunch of young and not-so-young homos. Such is the price of coming out: you have given The Kidz an attainable (at least in their mind) sexual object to lust after. Unfortunately though, by coming out, you have become a participant in the world’s oldest of gay games…You may be familiar with the straight version of the game, called “Is He Gay?”, but you already won that game by coming out. No, the gay version of the game is much more vicious because it’s played by your fellow homosexuals. The rules to the game are pretty simple: No matter what you do, no matter what you say, no matter how you carry yourself, homos will use it as justification for some real or imagined feminine traits you possess and suggest that you prefer to be penetrated, the not-so-subtle implication being that there is something wrong with being a bottom. They will not see the irony of their re-purposing of the same policing of gender and sexual expression used to oppress and even murder homosexuals for millennia.

Others will be all in their feelings about your choice of partner. I will leave the dissertation to others on why so many black athletes choose non-black partners and merely say that I’m happy for you, no matter who you choose to love. Do not expect the same reception from others, because despite their chronic inability to find and hold onto any of the men to which they actually have access, they will expect you to choose among their wretched asses and even if you do, they will still not be happy. He will either be too light or too dark, or too fem, or too whatever.

When it comes right down to it, there are going to be a ton of people, both straight and gay, who think they know what’s best for you. Some of them may even be offering you advice with the best of intentions, including Ya Brista. Pay all of those hoes dust, and…Love Always,

Ya Brista!