That… was… RACIST!!!

Ya Brista recalls the time he watched a seemingly innocuous video about the adventures of some sex toys. As it turned out, there was A LOT going on in that video!

A couple of weeks ago, a Facebook “friend” posted a 3-minute film, which I guess he though was amusing. He seemed to think it was ok because he had reposted it from the Facebook page of a Black friend of his. The premise is ridiculous, but stick with me. It’s important to note that all roles in this short film are played by sex toys (a bunch of dildos and a pocket pussy).

In the film, the protagonist goes on an adventure across the seas, but is shipwrecked during a storm. When he awakens, he sets off to explore the island where he has landed. Suddenly, he is captured by a tribe of Black savages speaking a foreign language. Later, he awakens and states that he comes in peace and demands to be released. Another character approaches him and tells him that there is no use shouting. Our protagonist notes that he is small and asks him if he is a kid, to which the smaller character replies, “No, I’m Asian.” (Remember, all of these characters are played by dildos).The next day, the protagonist and his Asian friend (called Chen) are introduced to Princess Pee-Pee, a White pocket pussy whom the savages, who mostly tower over the protagonist and Chen, worship as the most beautiful princess of the jungle. The protagonist and Chen escape and try to rescue the princess, with the savages in hot pursuit. The film culminates in a fight between one of the savages (who speaks English) and the protagonist. He tells the protagonist that Princess Pee-Pee will never love a White man. This enrages the protagonist, who knocks the savage out.

Without further ado, I present to you, “Dick… The Long Journey”.

Sooooo… what did you think? Yep, that’s pretty much what I thought, and I said as much. Now, Ya Brista is not the one who cries racism at the drop of a hat, but sometimes, the shit just hits you in the face. Forgetting that all the main characters are played by sex toys, this film is SUPER racist.

Racist Plot Point #1: The natives are huge Black dildos, because, you know, all Black men have huge dicks. People (including other Black people) seem to think that this racist stereotype is positive, because who doesn’t want to have a big dick? For one thing, all Black men DO NOT have big dicks; in fact, studies of the measurement of almost 12,000 men around the world found that the average penis length is about 6 inches.That’s not even the point though. To suggest that an INDIVIDUAL has a large penis may be very flattering, but suggesting that an entire group of people exhibit some extraordinary sexual characteristic is racist and demeaning because it reduces that group to nothing more than objects of sexual fantasy or gratification. Barack Obama is not the President, he is just the Big Black Cock that lives at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Michael Jordan is that Big Black Cock who plays basketball. Nelson Mandela is just that Nobel Prize-winning Big Black Cock. It is ironic that the film uses dildos as stand-ins for people because to so many people think of Black men the same way they treat their dildos, like sexual appliances for their gratification.

Racist Plot Point #2: The natives are all savages, because Black people (especially Black men) need to be tamed, I suppose. We have to look no further than today’s headlines to see that such attitudes about Black people extend beyond mildly comic French films. The subtext of the Travon Martin, Eric Garner, and Michael Brown cases is that they were savages, who needed to be tamed (and by tamed I mean KILLED!!!) for the greater good. The concept of the Black man as savage is nothing new, but just because it’s old news doesn’t mean Ya Brista is going to let it slide.

Racist Plot Point #3: The character with the small dick is Asian, because, you know, all Asians have small dicks. Yeah, let’s talk about that for a moment. The film establishes a causal relationship between Chen’s ethnicity and his penis size. This stereotype is equally as harming as it is to suggest that all Black men have big dicks and for all the same reasons. Most importantly, Asians constitute 60% of the world’s population, so even if some of them do have small dicks, they definitely work just fine.

I should note that the poster of the video apologized to me personally, but after seeing his other Facebook posts, it seemed like he was less interested in apologizing because his post was racist, and more so because he didn’t want to offend the other possessors of the Big Black Cock he so desperately desired.

Some of you might suggest that I am taking this a bit too seriously. It was just a short comedy film about dildos and pocket pussies, after all. FUCK THAT!!! Black and Asian people are constantly being asked to get past or overlook these minor insults, these microaggressions.Why should I put up with these daily indignities? Why should any human being? So that others can feel comfortable saying fucked up shit and not be reminded of this country’s (this planet’s) racist past (and present)? Again, I say, FUCK THAT!!! When you say, do, or post something ridiculous, you can always count on Ya Brista to call it out.

Tune in next week, when we FINALLY get to our Brista, Luis!