The Art and Science of the Cockblock, Lesson One: Haters in Real-Time

Good afternoon ladies, gentlemen, and lady-gentlemen. I am Professor Dominion, also known as Ya Brista. Welcome to CB101! Over the next four weeks, we will discuss the cockblock. You will learn what the block looks like, different kinds of blockers, how to avoid them, and how to recognize when you are cockblocking.

Our first lesson will be a real-world example of a cockblock. Picture it! Chicago, 2013…

Ya Brista is out in the club with his ONYX brothers, when in walks Mr. Right (Now).

After the exchange of pleasantries, Mr. Right (Now) wonders aloud why he put on so much baby oil. I offered to massage it into his skin, giving me the chance to experience him up close. His skin is a lovely golden brown, the color of a good piecrust. My hands roam his hairless flesh, testing the limits of this interaction, exploring every downward and into his luscious cum gutters. I spin him around fast enough to throw him off-balance for a moment. His asscheeks press directly against my dick.

My hand travels upward and using the slightest pressure, I squeeze my fingers around his throat as he arches his back to press his ass ever more firmly against me. Using my extra low, Barry White voice, I whisper in his ear:

This would be so much easier if you weren’t wearing underwear.

You should take them off.

Right now?

Yes, RIGHT NOW.

As he scurries off into the darkness, one of my brothers looks at me and says, “Guuuuuurl! I love watching you work!” I merely sip my cocktail.

Mr. Right (Now) returns and offers me his underwear. My tongue finds his and my middle finger takes his temperature. His lips redden and part as I swat his ass repeatedly, hard enough to feel his heat against my hand. We make out intensely in the bathroom, but it’s just a big open room with urinals on the wall and there is no privacy.

I ask one of my brothers for the key to the handicapped bathroom, a room with a single stall and a sink, the perfect place to taste his buried treasure. As the key is retrieved, I notice Mr. Right (Now) having a conversation with the guy that brought him.

It was time to seal the deal before he slipped away. Key in hand, I begin to guide him toward the bathroom and he resists…

I don’t want all these people to see me going into the bathroom with you. They know you are going to fuck me!

Oh, they definitely know that! So what? It’s a leather bar and we are all grown ass men.

I can’t.

And so we stopped, but I made him promise to come pick up his underwear from my hotel. The next day, he texted me to say that he was tipsy that night and that he shouldn’t have been kissing me and everything. He said that he was mad at his boyfriend and needed to work things out. I was pissed because, when I think about what happened that night, it was clear that I had been

#COCKBLOCKED!!!

I wanted to remind him that he was with me all night and he only had two drinks. His tongue was in my mouth and mine in his; I would have noticed if he were that “tipsy”. I wanted to text him back to remind him that he wasn’t thinking about his boyfriend when my fingers were buried in his asshole, but that would have been tacky. Instead, I just wished him well, knowing that the next time I was in Chicago, I was going to fuck him. Like Mrs. Al Steele said,

Any man who gives you their panties of their own free will, and lets you get two-knuckle deep in their intimacies, WANTS TO GET FUCKED.

In the meantime, I will bide my time while he figures out how he will end his relationship. Perhaps it was good we didn’t fuck, because I am not a homewrecker.Just kidding! I would have fucked the slap shit outta that boy!

For next week’s lesson, we will discuss why blockers cockblock, and the different types of cockblockers. In the meantime, feel free to drop me a comment here, Facebook, Twitter, or Tumblr. You can also catch me every Thursday @ 8pm eastern, co-hosting the Reali-TEA Radio Show on PapiChuloRADIO.com.