A Public Service Announcement: Crazy People, or Something Ain’t Right

My greatest fear is that I will wind up in a low budget gay remake of Fatal Attraction, starring Ya Brista as Dan, and some random trade as Alex.

Unfortunately for Dan, he didn’t figure this out until AFTER he fucked her. Luckily, it’s a lot easier to figure out these days, so this week, we will discuss 3 signs that your date might be crazy…

Tip 1: If that hoe calls you repeatedly…

Ya Brista once knew this teacher who loved to get fucked (stop me if you’ve heard this one before)! I fucked this dude for 3 years before I even knew his last name, which I only discovered when he friended me on Facebook. Anyway, the first couple of times we hooked up, it was always at his place, but one day he discovered that he had to pass my place on the way to work every day, and that’s when the crazy began.

Every morning, this hoe would call, starting at 6am, trying to get some dick on his way to work. At first, it was cute. After all, who doesn’t want a tight booty cutie who only wants to swing by, drop his pants in the foyer,

get gutted and then head off to work? The problem was that he started to get obsessive about it. He would call 10-20 times a day trying to get fucked. On the days when I was horny, which was definitely most days in the beginning, I answered on the first ring, but there were many days when I just wanted to sleep in. Those days I would just ignore the calls.

Some people don’t get that you might fuck them simply because they are available, not because you are into them. Jack’d, A4A, Grindr, Facebook, sex clubs, parks and truck stop rest rooms exist to match available asses with available dicks. Most people get that, but for a certain kind of person, if you express interest in them, they take it to the extreme. Case in point…

Tip 2: If that hoe doesn’t take “No” for an answer…

I met this young brotha many years ago and he seemed nice enough, but before we hooked up, I found out that he was underage.Since I am not R. Kelly with a cadre of lawyers to protect me, I shut the door on his young ass, but that didn’t stop this kid. Everywhere I was online, he tried to contact me, and I kept blocking him. Three years later, he contacted me again, and I relented. After confirming he was legal, I started chatting with him.Maybe he was just a young gay kid with poor social skills (and a nice ass).

Nope! I once took too long to respond to a message he sent and he went ballistic:

“Oh, so now you can’t answer my fucking text?”

Poor thing! He needed to learn that in the movie, “Dominion’s Life”, he was nothing more than an uncredited extra in the crowd, so his ass got blocked again. Poor social skills or whatever, what you WILL NOT do, is talk to me like that.

Tip 3: If that hoe lives in a foreign country…Ya Brista gets a lot of fan mail on Facebook from kidz overseas in Africa and Asia. Sometimes people just wanna chat, and I’m fine with that, but inevitably, the crazies will reveal themselves. I’m still LOL-ing over the dude who pulled some ole Ying-Yang Twins shit on me…Let me put it down sharply…

I live in DC and I don’t even travel to Baltimore for sex, so why the hell would I fly to Kenya to meet your ass? At least if the date in Bmore doesn’t work out, I can stay the night at the Baltimore Marriott. I don’t fuck with the Nairobi Marriott like that. Chile, it would be just my luck that I get off the plane there is a coup and my ass is stuck there.

Very nice, but I don’t need to travel to a foreign country to get a hysterectomy. And no, you can’t come visit me here. I’m picky about trade staying overnight, let alone for a couple of days. You can come and stay at the Red Roof Inn down the street, if you like, and I might swing by for a sec, but don’t travel on my account. There are still plenty of dudes in DC I haven’t fucked, so why should I import ass when the domestic is such high quality?

No, I am not going to marry you! Why? Because I just met you!Well, I guess we can at least Skype!

Anyway, where were we? I got dickstracted for a moment.Luckily we live in a different times and its easier to deal with crazies. Unfortunately, like we discussed last week, crazy people also tend to give really good sex, so there may be times when you are weak. Since Ya Brista never poses a problem without presenting a solution, here are a few good ways to deal with the crazy you just fucked or are about to fuck.

1. Fuck him at his place, or better yet a neutral place, like a hotel. Never let that hoe find out where you live or work. We all saw what happened when Alex found out where Dan lived…
2. If you do invite the date over, never let him spend the night. Hoes get comfortable and start assuming there is more to this hookup than meets the eye.
3. Do not do drugs or drink with the date.

You saw what happened to the dude she fucked

4. Don’t be afraid to use the block feature on your phone, on Facebook or on apps. Provided you haven’t violated rule 1, it will be fairly easy to avoid the date.

Ya Brista treats trade like children. You have to establish firm boundaries and set consequences or else you might get caught up in some foolishness! And for all you wanna be stalkers out there, be warned. You know what the fuck happened to Alex at the end of the movie…

so consider yourself warned, because Ya Brista keeps a shank close by at all time.

You can reach me here, Facebook, Twitter, or Tumblr. Hit me back and tell me what you want to discuss in an upcoming post, or let me have it for calling you out! You can also catch me every Thursday @ 8pm eastern, co-hosting the Reali-TEA Radio Show on PapiChuloRADIO.com.

Also I am pleased to debut the first story in the Alex and Alonzo Series. Alex and Alonzo: A Love Story is the tale of two men who meet on the subway one night and feel that instant attraction. What starts as a single night of kinky eroticism turns into a love story full of twists and turns that neither of them expects. The First Night is the tale of the night Alex and Alonzo meet, and gives the reader peak into the world of two men who connect on a very deep, primally sexual level.

Available on amazon.com for the Kindle and the Kindle App for all tablets and smartphones, including iPhones, iPads, Android devices, Nooks, and Blackberrys.