New Rules for your Holiday Party

It would seem that after kissing one too many frogs over the holidays, Ya Brista has come down with a bit of a cold, but NEVER FEAR!! I wouldn’t leave you without a column for to week! At first, I thought about giving you a few suggestions for New Year’s Resolutions, but since you’ll soon be depressed over breaking the ones you already made, I figured there was no need to add to your burden. Instead, I thought it would be way more fun and educational to discuss some New Rules for your Holiday Party next year. Let’s get into it, shall we?

New Rule: Don’t Bring Cheap Alcohol to the Party

Whenever Ya Brista has a party, The Kidz always ask what they can bring, and I always say a bottle of something. In the future, I will be more specific, and say please bring a GOOD bottle of something, because one judges the host of the party by the quality of his liquor selection.

When in doubt, choosing a bottle to bring is easy: If you are in the liquor store and have to bend down to pick up the bottle, it’s cheap. And if your money is funny, you can never go wrong with a good bottle of Vodka from Costco.

New Rule: However the fuck you got to the party is how you are getting home

I have told you before, Ya Brista is not running a Hussy Shuttle Service. Don’t think you can come over, spend all evening…

…socializing, and then think Ya Brista is gonna drive you back across town. To be clear, neither am I running a Hussy Hotel, so unless you know what Dominion ONYX’s real name is, you need to call Uber or phone a friend or something.

New Rule: Debrief your date before the party

It’s yet another story as old as time: Man meets The Date…

Man and The Date get to know each other…

Man invites The Date to a Holiday Party…… full of all the Man’s exes and former pieces, who let it be known that the Man could still get it…

…and now The Date wants to fight everyone…

Next year, he will learn to have a discussion with the New Date prior to coming to the party to avoid any unfortunate incidents, but he will be doing that at someone else’s house, because that hoe is banned from Ya Brista’s functions because I don’t fuck with The Dramatics.…and finally

New Rule: If you keep a filthy house, don’t expect people to eat your food

Recently, I had to let my Rosario go until I can arrange another slip-and-fall resulting in deep tissue injury and a generous cash settlement, so if you drop by unannounced* you might catch Dominion’s Domain in a state of casual disarray. Now if I am having a party, the spot will be fabulous.

Guuuurl, your house it an absolute mess! Visible trash and dirty on the carpet, dust you can write your name in, and dried pee so thick on the toilet it looks like lemon curd. And you want hoes to each your food? No ma’am! If you can’t clean the house when YOU KNOW PEOPLE ARE COMING OVER, then I can only assume you are equally as nasty when it comes to cooking**.

*P.S: dropping by unannounced will get your chin checked!

**P.P.S.: I am also going to assume that your body is just as filthy as your house. Now that don’t mean I won’t…..but I sure as hell ain’t…or

Welcome to 2014 bitches!

Next week, Ya Brista will be taking questions from the audience in “Dear Dominion”. You can reach me here, Facebook, Twitter, or Tumblr. Hit me back and tell me what you want to discuss in an upcoming post, or let me have it for calling you out! You can also catch me every Thursday @ 8pm eastern, co-hosting the Reali-TEA Radio Show on PapiChuloRADIO.com.

Also I am pleased to debut the first story in the Alex and Alonzo Series. Alex and Alonzo: A Love Story is the tale of two men who meet on the subway one night and feel that instant attraction. What starts as a single night of kinky eroticism turns into a love story full of twists and turns that neither of them expects.

The First Night is the tale of the night Alex and Alonzo meet, and gives the reader peak into the world of two men who connect on a very deep, primally sexual level. Coming in January, The Anniversary catches up with Alex and Alonzo as they celebrate a year of living, loving, and incredibly hot sex.

Available on amazon.com for the Kindle and the Kindle App for all tablets and smartphones, including iPhones, iPads, Android devices, Nooks, and Blackberrys.