Dear ONYX: A Love Letter

Dear Men of ONYX,eclipse02

On this, the occasion of our 15th anniversary together, I want to thank you for everything that you have given me.

Although I don’t speak to that hoe anymore, I do want to thank my Brista’s husband’s cousin (let’s just call him THAT Bitch) for introducing me to ONYX. Fifteen years ago this January, THAT Bitch invited me to meet him at the Washington Plaza Hotel for something called Mid-Atlantic Leather Weekend (MAL). Not knowing what I was getting into, I met him there. It was like a kid walking into Disney World for the first time, if Disney World was a smoke-filled lobby crammed to capacity with mostly-naked men of all shapes and sizes and textures and smells.

In the corner of the bar, above the din of the crowd, came this big bear of a laugh. There was this group of black men, obviously Leathermen, quoting lines from The Color Purple. The laugh came from a man I came to know as NoirBear,noirbear02

a big beautiful man with a heart even larger than his laugh. He introduced me to KG, and Joey, and Mufasa, and they all treated me like family. He embraced me as if he had known me all his life, and I was immediately at home. That was my introduction to the Men of ONYX.onyxmen

In the beginning, I only saw them once a year, during MAL, but it was always one of the highlights of that month, if not the entire year. What I loved about them was that they gave of themselves freely, expecting nothing in return. They answered my questioned when asked and offered advice when requested, all without any pressure to join ONYX or do anything I didn’t want to do. We laughed, we cut up, we partied, we danced, we just WERE! The Men of ONYX were my friends.


It was on the strength of that love and support that I was able to venture out into the world of Leather and find my place within it. I could always go to my friends in ONYX to learn what to do and NOT do. When it came time to start a chapter of ONYX here in DC, it was an opportunity that I could not pass up. My friends became my Brothers and my life was irrevocably changed for the better.

ONYX Family

Like any family, we have had our share of growing pains. As I said in the beginning, I don’t talk to THAT Bitch anymore as well as a few of his shitty associates, but who doesn’t have at least one hoe (or 7) in their family that they can’t take? We have also lost a few good men…RedWolfDaddy (RIP)

…but they live on in our hearts and minds and actions because we all carry the secret of ONYX within us, that ONYX is not now, nor ever was about sex, kink, or bdsm. It was and is all about friendship and love. The secret of ONYX is The Brotherhood.mal2013groupContestants1425223_1440271552854560_1259795540_oThe eye candy ain’t bad, either!

I love ONYX because it continues to be a bedrock for me. I can rely on my brothers for advice and support, a shoulder to cry on, a dance partner, or just a good keekee. Not only have I taken on the name, but I endeavor to give back, to those who come after me, the same love and affection that was shown to me that first night, in the corner of a smoky hotel, when I met a group of black Leathermen who changed my life. Happy Anniversary!

Love Always,



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