No Blacks, Asians, Fats, or Fems Need Apply: Don’t be a Dick!

After the relationship with Darius ended, Ya Brista dove headlong back into the world of online “dating”. I say dating in quotes because we all know it’s more aboutthan actually dating. Over time, Ya Brista has acquired an impressive portfolio of profiles online, including Grindr, Scruff, Growlr, Jack’d, Recon, A4A, AssPig, and BGC, and I am perfectly fine with it. It would seem that others are ready to give them all up.

This week, the internet was abuzz with men who were giving up on apps and online, as well as A4A. They all bemoaned the trouble of finding a meaningful connection in today’s gay hookup culture. They reminisced about a simpler time when everyone met in person. It was a time when homos gathered from miles around to fellowship in a community of like-minded men. What a beautiful time it was, except that it never existed!
If you ask your one of your gay elders, you know the older gentleman who gave you a compliment that you brushed off because you didn’t want to catch Old Age, he would tell you that Tha Kidz are no different today than they were 30 or 40 years ago. They are just are just as mean, just as nasty, just as SHADY as they always were. The difference is that back in the day, they used to be shady to your face when you wanted to hook up. Now Tha Kidz throw shade online, through their profiles, and the relative anonymity of the interwebs brings out the shady kunt in many people.

Masquerading as preference, some hoes think it’s perfectly acceptable to state things such as No Blacks, No Asians, No Latinos, or No Whites in their profile. Right there, in black and white, underneath a photoshopped picture taken 10 years and 50 pounds ago. Well, Ya Brista is here to tell you that and here’s why…

Only the shittiest and most racist of assholes would look this man in the eyeto say, “I don’t fuck with Asians”. Well, if it’s shitty and racist to say it to a person’s face, isn’t it EQUALLY as shitty and racist to say it online? In fact, I’d offer that it’s even worse, because instead of saying it to just one person, you are broadcasting a blanket exclusion of an entire group of men based on something that they could never change. You idiot! That man you just so casually brushed off could have taken you on the ride of your life, but you will never find out. More importantly, he is a fellow human being and is deserving of consideration.

Others think it’s perfectly reasonable to state “No Fats, No Fems” in their profile. Once again, you could be missing out. If I’m in the club, and walks in, I am completely unbothered by his failure to conform to heteronormative gender expressions. Ya Brista has learned the hard way (pun intended) that a man who has no fucks to give about the way others thing about him will be just as uninhibited when we are fucking. I was not always so open. Once I expressed some negative feelings about a rather fem young brotha that I knew to my gay mama, who was admittedly more than a little soft around the edges himself. Instead of whipping off la chancla he asked me why that brotha needed to change how he acted so that I could feel more comfortable about myself. Properly chastened, I learned that I was the one with the problem, not him. And once I got over what I came to realize was my own internalized homophobia,I fellowshipped with that brotha! In fact, I fellowshipped the hell out of him!

“But Dominion,” you say, “If I’m not specific about what I like and don’t like, I won’t ever find what I am looking for!”Bitch please! If someone in whom you aren’t interested hits you up online, all you have to do is either say nothing at all, or politely turn him down. A simple, “Thanks for hitting me up, but it’s not a match” is all that is required. Now if you happen to run into Low Self-Esteem Larry, and he wants to know why it’s not a match, just ignore him and delete the message, and if he keeps it up, just block him. My point is, while it’s fun to LOOK for dick online, it is totally unnecessary to BE a dick online.

Life is hard enough as gay men that we do not have to tear each other down. No one is asking you to fuck everyone that offers, just try not to be a total douche. Besides, one day you will almost certainly be the one who gets turned down, and you know what they say…Oh, and by the way, that old man that you wouldn’t even speak to……yeah, that one! He would have dicked you ALL THE WAY DOWN!!! You wouldn’t have had to pick him up from the bus stop, or buy him a pack of Newports, or fuck him real quiet because he still lives with his mama. Oh well, your loss!