An Open Letter to Dramatic Kweens with Self-Esteem Issues, Part One

In a world where a Buzzfeed list passes for insightful, Pulitzer-worthy journalism, a Dramatic Kween named Stevie posted a thought-provoking article on gayguys.com entitled, “20 Reasons It Sucks To Be A Gay Black Man”. A couple of weeks later, Luis Pabon wrote an article entitled, “Why I No Longer Want To Be Gay” for thoughtcatalog.com.Now, typically, I don’t respond to this sort of fuckery for the same reason that I don’t respond to your dumbass friends on Facebook who post this sort of basic bitch shit. When Dramatic Kweens say ridiculous (and Dramatic) shit, there is no need to reply because you’d only be encouraging them. I was content to leave it alone until I started seeing people agreeing with this foolishness. It was my civic duty to put a stop to the madness! Let’s get into it…

Dear Stevie,

At the beginning of your article, you state:

If you’re a black black man reading this, you know exactly where I’m coming from. While we love our friends, sometimes they can say crazy sh!t that just makes your blood boil yet we don’t have the ability to voice our emotions. Hopefully when my friends and other people read this list they will rethink some of the comments they make and realize how much it can suck to be a black gay man.

Before I even read the article, I was already SUPER annoyed with the title and while my blood did not boil, the premise you established definitely let me know that I was in for some fuckery. Sadly, even the most casual reading of your so-called Reasons confirmed my assumptions:

• Reason 1: Every day I’m consumed with the fear of rejection in a community where muscular white men are looked at in the highest regard.
• Reason 2: At least 80% of the guys I meet are “not into black guys”. Seriously? You don’t even know me jackass.
• Reason 4: The ridiculous amount of times of blocked on Grindr because they don’t date black guys.
• Reason 5: It means I’m a double minority and that sucks.
• Reason 7: People generalize gay black men into 2 categories – sexually aggressive and domineering tops or extremely flamboyant bottoms (neither of which describe me).
• Reason 8: Constantly being heartbroken because that hot guy I met at Mickey’s doesn’t date black guys…
• Reason 9: When I’m introduced to new people, many times they act like they are being introduced to an alien – I’m black not from Mars!
• Reason 10: The references to fried chicken, cool-aid and other stereotypical racist remarks I have to laugh off and pretend like they don’t bother me, when it really does.
• Reason 16: I have to listen to friends tell other people that I’m not a typical black guy, and my black friends saying I’m not a typical black guy.
• Reason 17: While LGBT acceptance is making great progress, gay black men still have to hide our sexual orientation from our parents and family.

So here’s the thing Stevie. If it does suck to be a Gay Black Man (and I disagree that it does), it’s not for any of the reasons you stated. Your problem is that you are fucking with the wrong bitches.

Your friends are clearly racist assholes who think it’s cute to say disrespectful shit to your face because you are so desperate for acceptance from these “muscled white men” that you will take any scrap of attention they throw your way, even if the attention is denigration. What you need to do is figure out 1) why you feel the need to be validated by others, and 2) why you think it’s ok to let people to talk to you like that. Whenever you seek external validation of your innate qualities, you are setting yourself up for failure. I can guarantee you that if your so-called friends had said the same kind of crap to me there would have been a different outcome, because a) I am typically unbothered by what others think of me, and b) I will take it to a bitch if she says the wrong shit out of her pie hole.

Since you mention Mickey’s, I assume you live in West Hollywood, so by definition, you are surrounded by a self-absorbed group of narcissists who can barely see anyone or anything beyond the imaged edge of the spotlight that exists in their head as they pour coffees or wait tables. They have used a trick from the oldest playbook in the world to make themselves feel better about themselves by making you feel worse about yourself…By putting you down, they are building themselves up and glossing over their crappy lives, and you have fallen for the okie-doke. People will only treat you how you ALLOW them to treat you. Stop whining and grow a pair! Let those fuckers know that it is unacceptable to speak to you like that. Stand up for yourself!To be clear, I am not suggesting that you stop dating white men. The heart/dick/asshole/mouth wants what the heart/dick/asshole/mouth wants! You just need to find a better group of white men on which to set your sights. Never let anyone make you feel bad about yourself! Luis, you’re up next week!