Lies “Straight Men” Tell (When They Aren’t Sucking Dicks)

It was the best of times; it was the worst of times! It was… last Thursday! There I was, minding my own business, when one of my ONYX brothers re-posted the following picture from a group called Urban Socialites:journeyThis picture was accompanied by the following caption:

There are a number of reasons why “straight men” might have sex with other men. These reasons range from situational homosexuality to sexual addiction. In general, SMSM behavior is about physical release and sexual behaviors, not about attraction or desire for another man. The attraction is toward the act or the body (or body parts) of the male not the other man himself.

Straight men who have sex with other men often have high sex drives and are easily aroused sexually. They may seek out connections with men for a quick and easy sexual release in which they are not required to engage emotionally or to risk their identity as a heterosexual man.#scandalthursday

baloneyThis is some bullshitty bullshit right here. Let me start by saying that anyone who calls himself a socialite is, BY DEFINITION, wholly insufferable, so there’s that, plus there appears to be no relationship whatsoever between the picture and the caption, but no one ever said socialites were bright, just insufferable. All those things aside, this is a just plain ridiculous justification for why some men have sex with other men. There is so much bullshit packed into so few sentences that we might as well dive right in.seatbeltsIs everyone ready? Let’s get into it! But first, let me take a selfie…do_selfieRegardless of what you are calling yourself, if you are having sex with another man (not under duress), it is BECAUSE YOU LIKE FUCKING DUDES! The sooner you accept that, frankly, the happier you will be. Listen, no one is asking you to volunteer for the HRC, nor is anyone asking you to march in the Pride Parade. No one here is trying to recruit you into the gay ranks. Frankly, we don’t even like you like that, but what we ARE asking you to do is to stop pretending that there is some other reason why every time you get together with your boys, you always end up with a dick in your mouth.chillin

All the other reasons listed are, to varying degrees, COMPLETE AND UTTER BULLSHIT!!! What the fuck is situational homosexuality? How does that work? Are you walking down the street, just minding your own damn business, when suddenly,suddenlyyou find yourself in a situation!situationWhat’s a decent upstanding Straight Man to do? Why, he handles the situation, of course!handled01handled02handled03Because, what other choice do you have, amirite? But Dominion, you say, I was in jail all that time and a brotha has needs!princesipsteaUmmmmm, Sir! You were in jail all of 3 days while Big Mama was getting together the money to get you out. As for sexual addiction, I just can’t! According to the dictionary,addictionAre you trying to tell ThaKiddz that you are enslaved to dick? Would you suffer severe trauma if you couldn’t get some ass and/or dick regularly? I doubt it! More likely, you just haven’t (or won’t) come to grips with the fact that YOU LIKE FUCKING DUDES and calling it an addiction allows you to avoid taking direct responsibility for your actions.

I am also calling bullshit on your supposedly high sex drive. If we are to believe the author of the quote, some men have a high sex drive and will stick their dicks into the first available receptacle, and it just so happens that the receptacle is usually another dude. Riiight! If Maury Povich has taught us anything, it is that there is a PLETHORA of women who will have sex seemingly at the drop of a hat.strangeThe only part of this otherwise ridiculous screed that rings even partially true is that men “seek out connections with men for a quick and easy sexual release in which they are not required to engage emotionally.” Grindr, Jack’d, the gym, Piedmont Park and every truck stop gloryhole attests to the fact that men are often in search ofrelease01release02release03

without the bother of pesky emotions. Even so, the more you seek such release, and the more you seek it with OTHER DUDES, the more you “risk [your] identity as a heterosexual man.”

Face it, if you regularly have sex with other men, it’s not because you fell into some “situation”, it’s not because you are a sexual addict, or that you have a high sex drive. You regularly have sex with other men because you like it.

You can lie to Ya Brista, but ultimately you can’t lie to yourself.

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